Dear Abby: My 19-year-old son has been dating the daughter of one of my friends I’ll call “Mona.” We didn’t set them up; they met at some parties. Last summer we discovered they were having sex because “Meghan” thought she was pregnant. Luckily, it turned out she wasn’t. They broke up but have gotten back together recently.
When I asked Mona if she was putting Meghan on birth control, Mona said that she wouldn’t because “that would be letting her know it’s OK to have sex.” I said, “Better safe than sorry!” and we left it at that.
I let my son use my car last weekend and found an opened box of emergency contraception on the floor. Because my son never answers his phone, I called Meghan and stressed to her that unprotected sex is irresponsible and that they aren’t ready for a baby. I warned her to take precautions and get on birth control, and I helped her to make the arrangements.
Was it wrong to discuss this behind her mother’s back? Should I tell Mona after promising Meghan I wouldn’t say anything? What should I do?
Mom Versus Friend
Dear Mom: Wrong? You deserve a medal. And you should now have the conversation with your son that you should have had before the first pregnancy scare, stressing to HIM the importance of using condoms not only to protect himself and Meghan from an unplanned pregnancy, but also an STD if she isn’t the only girl he’s having sex with. Girls don’t get pregnant all by themselves.
As to telling your friend Mona, who seems to have the parental insight of an ostrich where her daughter is concerned, keep your promise to Meghan and your lips sealed. Meghan needs a woman she can confide in, and your friend seems to prefer living in fantasyland rather than giving her daughter the support and guidance she needs.
Dear Abby: I live in Colorado. In my state marijuana is legal now. What do you think about my inviting my adult children (they are all over 21) and my aging dad to get stoned with me? I think it might stimulate conversation and motivate more family time than we spend together now. What do you think of “family night” with marijuana as a way to improve family unity?
Dear Original Thinker: Were you stoned when you wrote this? If not, I think it’s sad that your family would need pot in order to communicate or create family unity. While I applaud your desire to bring your family together, you can have a good time without inviting “Mary Jane.” And that’s what I’d recommend.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.