Murder in the wedding party throws plans into question


Dear Abby: My fiancee and I are getting married next summer. Last summer, my closest friend — a woman — was murdered. Her husband was charged with the crime. Both of them were to be a part of the wedding party. The husband, “Frank,” was to be my best man.

I’m at a loss about how to deal with this. I can’t believe that Frank is guilty, but the trial isn’t likely to be finished by the date of the wedding. However, he is likely to be out on bail.

Frank has been one of my closest friends for many years, and I don’t want to abandon him, but his presence would unnerve many of the guests who know about this. My fiancee and I are concerned that having him there would make our wedding “the one where the accused murderer showed up.”

Do I include him? Should he maintain his place as my best man? If not, how do I rescind his invitation?

Unsure

In Canada

Dear Unsure: Considering the notoriety that now surrounds Frank, he should not be your best man. His presence at the altar would distract from the bride, who is supposed to be the center of attention. This is the No. 1 no-no at weddings. However, I don’t think you should rescind your friend’s invitation to attend the wedding because he is innocent until PROVEN guilty.

Dear Abby: My girlfriend of six years spends weekends at my house where she has her own room with her clothing and personal things. Wanting her to be comfortable here, I have bought her some robes, PJs, slippers, etc. to use when she’s here.

One thing she never seems to have is underwear. She has even borrowed mine on occasion. So I shopped online and put a dozen pair in her dresser drawer. I know her size, style and color preference, so I thought I might be the best boyfriend ever for doing it.

Oddly enough, she made no comment. And when I asked, she said, “What kind of boyfriend does that? It’s SOOO weird.”

Abby, I was crushed. Did I go too far? Please tell me I’m not weird.

Dismayed

In Dunkirk, N.Y.

Dear Dismayed: You’re not weird. You are a giver, and it is a trait that should be appreciated. You did not deserve the putdown. Many women would have been touched by your thoughtfulness. I don’t know what kind of men your girlfriend has had in her life before you came along, but it seems they didn’t spoil her the way you’re trying to.

Dear Abby: I recently married, and my husband and I are starting to think about when we should try to have children. I am having a hard time getting over the mindset that my parents instilled in me that pregnancy is bad — as in when you’re a teenager and your parents tell you over and over. (At least mine did.) It has made me terrified of getting pregnant.

How do I get over this mantra and move forward in my life? We want to start a family, but I always have this nagging feeling like I’m not as excited to have kids as my friends are. (We are in our early 30s.) Are these feelings normal?

Bride

In Phoenix

Dear Bride: At this point, it might be helpful if you discussed this with your parents. After all, it was they who planted this seed of doubt in your head. I’m sure once they hear that what they planted has grown into a fear of having the grandchildren they would love to have, they will find the words to reassure you that a pregnancy after marriage is something to be celebrated. However, if your concerns continue after that, talk about them with your OB/GYN or a licensed counselor.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

 

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