Dear Abby: My husband is now involved in his third computer affair. He’s a teacher, and his first one was with a student. He was almost fired over it. He apologized to me and to his supervisor, said it was an “error in judgment” and promised it would never happen again.
Last week I found an email he had sent to another former student, and the things he said to her were disgusting. The current one is a student, too.
I have a nice home and my husband is good to me except for his wandering eye. He gives me anything I want and takes me with him whenever he travels. But he is a Jekyll and Hyde when it comes to a computer and young girls — all younger than his daughter, I might add.
I know if this gets back to his boss he’ll be fired. He’s a brilliant man and an excellent teacher. So what do I do? I have considered doing nothing, and if he gets caught let him suffer the consequences. Or, I can confront him and try to get him to see a counselor before he ruins his career, and makes me a laughingstock of the community.
We’re financially comfortable and I hate to give it up, but I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this, either. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
In Washington State
Dear Not Laughing: Your husband has a serious problem. He is playing Russian roulette with his career — and it’s only a matter of time until he acts inappropriately with the wrong student.
If you love him at all, confront him and insist that he talk to a counselor and learn to strengthen his impulse control. When his activities become public knowledge, as is sure to happen, you won’t be the laughingstock of the community, but your husband WILL be scorned and jobless. If you want to protect your lifestyle as well as your husband’s female students, insist he get professional help NOW.
Dear Abby: I’m a divorced “empty nester” who would like to meet a nice man to spend time with. I’m attractive, slim and active.
A year and a half ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I have excellent medical care and my doctor is optimistic. She told me she has treated many women who have survived 10 years and are still doing fine. I intend to do everything in my power to be one of those women.
I have tried meeting men on the Internet or through groups I belong to. I explain on the first date about my health issues because I don’t want anyone to think I’m dishonest. Unfortunately, several men I would have liked to see again told me flat-out that they “can’t deal with the cancer thing.”
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life — however long it may be — alone. Should I wait to tell a man about my illness until we’ve seen each other a few times? Or should I continue as I have, and hope I eventually find someone with enough compassion willing to take the chance?
Dear Healthy Now: Compassion? How about someone intelligent enough to grasp that nobody has a guarantee about how long someone will live — including him? The appropriate time to discuss your medical history is after you have gotten to know someone well enough that you can talk frankly about it, and the relationship is beyond casual. First dates do not fall into that category.
No man who cares about you would ever walk away. And any man who would isn’t worth having, so consider yourself lucky.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.