Dear Abby: As a father of two teenage daughters, I have a question about couples living together. Do relationships that start this way have a higher failure rate than those that don’t? What should be considered when a young girl has the “living together” question presented to her by a young man? And most important, what can I as a father do to help my daughters make an intelligent decision about this, other than just “load my shotgun” (LOL)?
As always, thank you for broadening my wisdom horizon and giving me examples of solid advice from which both my and my family’s life have been enriched.
Dear Longtime Fan: It depends upon whether the couple living together are engaged to be married and their level of education. From what I’ve read, the higher the level of education, the more stable the couple will be. If the question is presented to your daughters, ideally you will have gotten to know the young man, and the relationship will have developed beyond the casual stage.
However, I cannot stress strongly enough the importance of your girls being independent, self-supporting and completing their education before they decide to do this. One of the most common reasons women remain in unhappy marriages/relationships is the fear they can’t survive on their own.
Dear Abby: My husband and I are hoping you could shed some light on the practice of throwing rice at a wedding. We were not only wondering when and how the practice started, but also do people still throw rice today at weddings? We had heard that guests had stopped doing so to help protect wildlife (especially birds). Have you found this to be true? If so, what do we throw now?
Dear Empty-handed: Rice-throwing is an ancient tradition that may date back to ancient Rome and Egypt or even earlier. It was a ritual having to do with fertility — many grains of rice equating to having many children. In some countries, the couple is pelted with dates, raisins or even eggs, according to Ask Yahoo.
According to Emily Post: “All the traditional materials have their drawbacks: Rice can be dangerous for birds if ingested; birdseed can sprout weeds in unwanted places; rose petals are notoriously slippery; and even bubbles can stain a gown. Instead, you might distribute colored flags or streamers for guests to wave. … It beats assigning someone the nearly impossible task of trying to recover grains and seeds from grass and flower beds.”
It’s Abby again: This is why I recommend that instead of tossing anything, you shower the happy couple with good wishes.
Dear Abby: My husband and I have three daughters, identical triplets. We, like many parents of multiples, are tired of questions and unsolicited comments from strangers concerning IVF — which we did not use, hence “identical” — or anything else triplet-related.
I don’t think people realize how rude they are being. I have been asked when did I know, how much did they weigh, what are their full names, etc.
Abby, would you please discuss baby etiquette with the world? I do not feel questions about my children from total strangers are appropriate. They even make me feel unsafe.
Dear Multiple Mom: Identical triplets are unusual, and what the questioners are doing is exhibiting natural curiosity. While I agree that asking how your daughters were conceived is inappropriate, a polite way to respond would be to say, “They were conceived with love.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.