Banking on our precious bodily fluids

Withstanding a handful of jobs dangled by the port to the the hapless inhabitants of Grays Harbor, repeatedly the winner of the Most Unemployed Contest, I’d like to offer a suggestion that might lessen the burden on the social services industry here — something to tide us over until a few great environmentally friendly corporations locate here to take up the slack. What, pray tell, could do that? I unabashedly suggest a blood bank and a sperm bank.

Think about it. For far too long we have been giving our blood away when we could be remunerated for our precious liquid. Why not? Have you ever asked yourself why there isn’t such a facility here when there is such wealth of natural resource walking around our community? And speaking of precious liquid, why don’t we have a sperm bank here? We need to come up with a solution that will perhaps give sign holding beggars an alternative to flouting our uncharitable ordinances.

Come on, folks, we’ve got every other kind of bank up the the ying yang. If you think about it, who do they choose to do business with? Only people with money. Well, what about a couple of banks for the people without money? It’s a capitalist’s dream, a win-win situation. Two new businesses serving the needs of the local jobless.

Tori Kovach