Dear Abby: I am a shy, 30-year-old woman. I stay at home with our 10-month-old, primarily because of our family’s financial situation.
I am gifted in the visual arts, but because I don’t have an art degree, I’m unable to pursue a professional job in the arts. Instead, I have been advertising to teach private art lessons at home. One month in, I have one student.
The past months have been lonely, and I am aching for friendship. My husband doesn’t seem to understand this. We know one family, but we are not close. I am considering offering free lessons to their kindergartner because it would not only help me to develop professionally, but also give me some adult interaction, which I desperately need. Again, my husband doesn’t understand this, and doesn’t want me to teach this child for free. How can I make him see?
Unfulfilled Artist in Pennsylvania
Dear Artist: Your husband appears to be unusually controlling. Have you told him the reason you want to give the family free art lessons is so you can have some much-needed adult interaction? If you haven’t, you should, rather than keep silent.
He should not be isolating you the way he appears to be, which strikes me as worrisome. Is his motivation for keeping you in the house and away from others the money or something else?
I think you should try doing what you have in mind and see how it works out. And if there are other young mothers in your area who gather so their children can socialize, perhaps you could attend and make some friendships there. If your husband continues to be as possessive as he appears to be, consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 for suggestions.
P.S. I encourage you to go for that degree as soon as you are financially able.
Dear Abby: My grandson is 16, a good student, a great athlete and popular. We are very proud of him. The problem is, he has terrible acne and picks at his face constantly.
His mother, my daughter-in-law, is a nurse practitioner and a germaphobe. I’m constantly surprised that she doesn’t take him to a dermatologist and remind him to keep his hands away from the sores on his face. I know it isn’t my place to correct him or suggest a dermatologist. She certainly is aware that he has a problem, but she acts like it doesn’t bother her.
While I realize this is a stage many teenagers go through and it will pass, his constant picking keeps his face red and looking irritated. Is there anything I can say or do to help without intruding in their space?
Caring Grandma in Texas
Dear Grandma: Yes. Your grandson would not be picking at the pimples if they didn’t bother HIM. Point out to your daughter-in-law that while your grandson’s acne may be “just a phase,” there are things that can be done to clear it up, and the solution is to consult a dermatologist before he gives himself scars that may last a lifetime. This would not be intruding. It would be acting like the loving, caring grandparent that you are.
To My Jewish Readers: The eight days of Hanukkah begin at sundown. (So EARLY this year!) Happy Hanukkah, everyone! A joyous Festival of Lights to all of us!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
