Dear Abby: I am 43, and my boyfriend is 40. He is always at my house, but I can never go to his to sit around and relax. When I get upset about it and want to talk to him about it, he tells me that’s not the case at all. I’m welcome anytime. But when I suggest it, I am always turned down. I’m trying hard to be optimistic, but I have so many negative thoughts about this. What should I do?
Kept Out in Alabama
Dear Kept Out: It appears your boyfriend is more comfortable at your place than hosting you at his. Why that would be is anybody’s guess. Maybe he is lazy and doesn’t want to straighten up for a guest. Maybe he’s unwilling to provide food or a beverage you prefer. Are you sure he lives alone and there isn’t another hen sitting in his nest?
You haven’t said how long you have been together as a couple, but it does seem like he is taking advantage. It also seems he is pretty slick about denying reality when it comes to hospitality. Unless he can explain to you WHY you can’t come over, your negative thoughts about this may be warranted.
Dear Abby: I’m a male in my early 20s who has a very small appetite. I eat small portions regularly throughout the day. During holidays and other occasions, I eat at the parents’ of my friends a lot, or at my grandparents’ or other family members’ homes. They think I should have the typical “growing boy” appetite and consume large amounts of food at each meal. When I don’t clean my plate (or even half), they ask me what’s wrong or if I didn’t like it. Usually, I enjoyed it very much but just couldn’t finish the whole thing. How do I navigate these dinners without offending anyone’s cooking?
Quickly Satisfied
Dear Satisfied: If possible, what you should do is serve yourself the portions you are comfortable eating rather than waste the food. If that is not possible, quietly point out to your hosts that although you love what they prepare, you are in the habit of eating small portions throughout the day and would appreciate it if they didn’t overwhelm you. It’s a reasonable request, and it shouldn’t offend anyone.
Dear Abby: I’ve been married to the same woman for 24 years. We have been faithful since we took our vows and have never had a reason to stray. I have looked at her throughout the years and thought to myself how lucky I am to have such an unbelievably beautiful woman by my side. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more — intelligent, empathetic and a fun and outgoing person to be in love with. She keeps getting better looking.
My question is, after all these years, is it unnatural for me to just want to be near her, to smell her, to hold her? I really can’t keep my hands off her.
Handsy in New Mexico
Dear Handsy: As long as your wife doesn’t feel encroached upon, your need to touch her is not only natural, it is enviable. Many women would not only love to be adored the way you do her but would reciprocate.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
