Dear Abby: I am 40. During the quarantine, I got pregnant by someone I was just starting to know. I didn’t think I was able to have any more kids. My daughter is now 12, and suddenly here I am — pregnant. I don’t love the father. In fact, I’m pretty sure he loves someone else. Nonetheless, we ended up getting married for insurance purposes.
A few months ago, I found out he fathered a child with his uncle’s wife. It eats me up inside, and I can’t move past that. What kind of person does that? He was never acknowledged as the father, and the aunt/mom didn’t want him around because she is still married to his uncle.
Well, I am now close to my due date. I don’t know how I can make this work or if I even should. I raised my daughter alone because her dad was abusive, so being a single parent is nothing new for me. Him getting involved with his aunt — to me that is MORALLY wrong, and I will never think that is acceptable. Help me decide what to do.
Pregnant and Confused
Dear Pregnant: You married the father of this child because of the insurance, not because this was a love match. You think he is in love with someone else. Did your husband tell you he had fathered his uncle’s wife’s child? Did the wife? Are you sure this information is even true?
Not once in your letter did you mention that you have feelings for this man; in fact, you feel he is morally repugnant. Is this the kind of life you want to live? The answer to that question will tell you what you need to do after the birth of the baby.
Dear Abby: A friend and I played bridge together for about eight years. I thought we had a close friendship. I introduced her to online bridge because I knew she missed playing in person. She immediately became hypercritical and started telling me and the other two ladies what we were doing wrong and what we should be doing. She was especially hard on me.
In private emails, I tried, to no avail, telling her that this game was not worth losing our friendship over. Her barbs continued for the next two weeks, all aimed specifically at me. After three tries to explain how her attitude was eroding our bond, I stopped responding. She had been extremely cruel the last time we played.
She called me a dictator and resigned from playing with us. I have no problem filling her spot, but the last email she sent me was titled “death of a friendship.” We haven’t spoken since, and I don’t know what to do. Should I just leave it or make some further attempt to repair the friendship? I had never seen this behavior in her to this extent before, and I cannot understand what provoked it.
Just a Game in California
Dear Just a Game: Whatever provoked your former partner to turn on you and attempt to embarrass you in front of the other players, I cannot guess either. However, in light of what has happened, you would be better off blocking her emails if she sends any more. She may be right — the friendship is dead. But the person who killed it was her.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
