Dear Abby: I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t work. My husband wants me at home, and I’m OK with that, but the problem is, he is now working two jobs and I never see him.
When he gets home, he’s so exhausted he can’t keep his eyes open. He sleeps only four hours a night. I’m afraid he will crash and burn from overwork and lack of sleep. I also miss him and want to be with him. With no time together, I feel like I’m losing him.
How can I make this work? I don’t want to put pressure on him or make him feel bad, but I need him. I told him I’d get a part-time job, but he said he works for the both of us and that was the end of that conversation. I don’t want to lose my marriage over this! Do you have any advice that might help?
Losing Him
In Tennessee
Dear Losing Him: I don’t blame you for being concerned. What your husband is doing isn’t healthy for him, for you or for your marriage. It’s time to discuss this with him more fully than it appears you have been able to so far.
He seems to be old-fashioned in his views about marriage. Generations ago, husbands were expected to be the sole provider, but economic reality has put an end to that. Today, both spouses work, primarily because they need to.
It may take mediation along with some input from his doctor to make your husband face reality, but he needs to understand that you are worried sick about him, that you’re not happy with things as they are and that you are starting your job search.
Dear Abby: I have been a widow for almost a year. I have met someone I really like and we have started to date. My roommate, “Eva,” encouraged me to meet this man (I’ll call him Warren) and get to know him if it would make me happy, so I did. Warren and I have a lot in common. We can talk to each other for hours.
Eva now tells me she doesn’t like having Warren at the house because it “reminds her of how alone and single” she is. She says she doesn’t want him here even if she isn’t home. This is causing problems because my work schedule makes it easier to have him over for coffee so we can talk before I leave for work, or on days off when she’s at work and I’m at home.
When I offer to set Eva up on dates, she refuses. She told me she “hates” men and all of them are nothing but liars and cheaters. Please help. I want to help my friend and also to have a good relationship with Warren. I feel happiest when we’re together, but I don’t want to lose my friend over this.
Torn in Two
Out West
Dear Torn: Because of Eva’s aversion to men, continuing to try fixing her up isn’t going to work. You didn’t mention whose name is on the lease, but if it’s Eva’s — and she’s not comfortable with Warren coming to visit — consider moving to a place of your own or in with a roommate who’s not jealous.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
