Dear Abby: I have an issue with my father and don’t know where to turn. Dad is in his early 80s and — aside from poor eyesight — he’s in good health. I’m concerned because he has developed an unusual habit. He likes to look through the Dumpsters behind the grocery store.
Initially he told me it was to get old produce for compost in his garden. But I have learned that he eats some of the things he finds. I have tried telling him this is dangerous. He could cut himself digging through the trash or get food poisoning. He refuses to listen and insists that what he is doing is safe. (He is NOT forced to do this out of economic necessity. He has enough money to buy groceries.)
The situation has become critical because he is now planning to cook something he found in the Dumpster for a family gathering. I told him not to do it. If he does prepare food from the trash, I told him he must let people know where it came from, so they can make an informed decision about whether to eat it. Abby, please help.
Grossed Out
Dear Grossed Out: If you can’t convince your father to disclose to relatives that the food he’s serving may have come from a Dumpster, YOU should alert them to that possibility.
P.S. A worldwide trend I heard about recently is something called “freeganism.” (The term is derived from a cross between “free” and “vegan.”) Freegans “rescue” food from behind markets to share among themselves to combat food waste, and in Paris, France, there’s even a restaurant that serves food procured this way for a reduced fee.
Caveat emptor: People who consume this food should be aware that the food may be past its nutritional peak, and they may risk a food-borne illness if it wasn’t stored properly.
Dear Abby: My 9-year-old daughter has several friends whom we love and who are good buddies for her. However, the rules in their homes are different from those at ours. One friend in particular, “Sarah,” eats a lot of junk food and watches more TV than we allow. When my daughter asks why she can’t have chips and ice cream after school, or why we watch movies only on weekends, I remind her that good food and exercise make her healthy, and with less TV she does better in school.
I’m not interested in critiquing Sarah or her family, who are lovely people we really like. However, I do want to make the connection between unhealthy lifestyle choices and possible consequences because this is a subject we’ll keep revisiting as my daughter grows up.
I have been trying to say things like, “Everyone makes their own decisions. This is why we do it this way,” but at 9, my daughter sees things as pretty black or white. If our way is right, then their way must be wrong. I’m totally failing at subtlety. Is there a better approach that I could take to talking about this without invoking comparisons?
Lifestyle Choices
In South Dakota
Dear Lifestyle Choices: Do not attempt to debate this with your 9-year-old. If your daughter argues with you about your parenting style, tell her that different families have different standards and that you are doing what you think is right for yours. Period. If she needs more of an explanation, then fall back on the message you have been sending her, and in time she will understand.
Dear Abby: I don’t like people. I live alone and hardly leave my apartment. I have one friend I talk to on the phone every day, and sometimes my siblings who live out of town, but not often. The core of my issue may be my secret. I am gay and a foreigner.
I like to surf the net, read historical books, and enjoy classic literature novels. For some reason, I feel like hiding myself away from people is making me miss out. Am I abnormal? Do I need a therapist? I have internal peace in my life and I think I’m happy.
Intellectual Lover
Dear Intellectual Lover: Your status as a gay, foreign loner who is hiding himself away must be troubling you on some level or you wouldn’t have written to me. If you feel you could be getting more out of life than you currently are, then it would be worth your while to schedule some sessions with a licensed mental health professional and do some exploring.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
