Dear Abby: My husband and I have been close friends with a woman named “Louise” for five years. Recently, we were all hanging out, and Louise got very drunk and tried to massage lotion into my husband’s hands. She also hugged him and wouldn’t let go, although he put his hands at his side and his whole body stiffened.
My husband has expressed to me that these situations made him very uncomfortable, and they do the same to me. We talked about letting Louise know, but he felt it would only make her feel awkward around us.
It has been a month, and I can’t seem to let it go. I don’t want to text her, and I’m finding excuses to avoid her. Should I continue trying to let this go or is a conversation in order?
– Taken Aback in New York
Dear Taken Aback: If you “let it go,” it will probably happen again and the friendship will be over. A conversation with Louise is overdue. She needs to know she must be more careful about her drinking, because the last time she became very drunk, she embarrassed not only your husband, but also you.
Dear Abby: I am childless, but I have a niece I’ve given lots of money to over the years. She’s in her mid-40s with a young child and a husband who has a low-paying job.
Although she has several degrees, she has worked mostly as a waitress. They live in a tiny apartment and during these rough times, I have been paying their rent. She rarely acknowledges it. I have never discussed it with her parents, and I have no idea how much they have (or have not) helped her.
I’m conflicted about helping her/them because this is such a tough time. I can’t see how they’re going to make their lives better without help. I’m wondering if you have some advice on how I can best assist them or if I should stop.
– Losing Faith in Colorado
Dear Losing Faith: You haven’t spoken to your niece’s parents about what you have been doing. Why not? If you do, it may give you a clearer picture of her situation. I wish you had been more forthcoming about why she isn’t using any of the college degrees she has earned. If her parents are helping her, you may need to be doing less.
Your niece should research to find out whether government assistance is available. If it isn’t, and you can afford it, consider continuing the financial assistance until the COVID situation is under control. Then your niece and her husband can get back on their feet, and you can stop being treated like an ATM.
Dear Abby: I have a male best friend I adore. When I tell other men about my bestie, they feel intimidated because he has a key to my apartment. We are not dating; we just have sex sometimes, and everyone that I try to be with knows about him. Must I give up on my bestie to be with the man I love even though Bestie and I promised each other that we will never break our bond for anyone?
– Complicated in Tennessee
Dear Complicated: If you hadn’t been having sex sometimes with your bestie, the “man you love” might have been able to accept him. The answer to your question is yes, you WILL have to make a choice. Now, the question I have for you is, which man do you think is the keeper?
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
