Dear Abby: For the past eight years, my son has been seeing “Tanya” and, according to him, she spends a lot. I’m concerned about it.
Because of the pandemic, Tanya got furloughed from her employer. She lives in an apartment but has all deliveries sent to OUR home address. Since the pandemic, we are receiving many more packages for her every day from online stores. Our son has mentioned to us that she has huge credit card bills. I’m worried if these two get more serious (marriage), it will cause problems in the future.
I’m tempted to say something to Tanya about the sudden increase in deliveries. Or should I keep quiet? We tell our son, but he always has no comment. Some days it’s like Christmas Day for packages.
Perplexed Dad in California
Dear Dad: Your son and Tanya are adults. If anyone addresses her spending, it should be your son. I don’t advise saying anything to Tanya because it’s sure to be resented and could possibly cause a rift between you and your son. Talk to him one more time and explain your concern that his girlfriend is showing symptoms of being a spendaholic. But after that, drop it because the problem will be his, not yours, to solve.
Dear Abby: I’m a man living in a small town, and I frequent a local cafe for breakfast. The waitress who serves me each morning, “Rita,” does a terrific job, and all of my needs are met. In turn, I leave her a generous tip.
Abby, despite exchanging small talk during coffee refills, Rita snubs me when our paths cross outside the diner. She will look directly at me, turn her head and offer no greeting.
I’m not seeking a relationship with her. In the cafe, I always sit alone and enjoy reading my newspaper while I eat my breakfast and drink my coffee. It just bothers me that she won’t offer a simple, civil greeting outside the diner. Would I be justified in reducing the amount of the tip because of her behavior?
Puzzled Patron in Indiana
Dear Patron: Have you tried speaking up and saying hello to her? I don’t know Rita. She may be unfriendly or prefer to draw a firm line between her professional life and her personal one. You stated that you tip her generously because of the terrific service she gives you. If that’s true, I don’t think she should be punished for keeping her distance when she’s not at the restaurant.
Dear Abby: My husband plays a video golf game most of the time while we watch TV together. If I ask him an occasional question or want to show him something, he says I am interrupting him and I need to wait until he takes his golf shot.
It’s very frustrating to always be put on hold when we are together. I think communication is more important than a game. I’m tired of always having to wait, so I just say, “Never mind.” Any suggestions?
Out of the Game
Dear Out: Just saying “never mind” doesn’t get your message across. The next time it happens, TELL your husband how you feel about coming in second place behind his toy, because you don’t “interrupt” often and you are more important than his video golf game.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
