Dear Abby: I am a 41-year-old woman who has been with my fiance for eight years. Before we decided to become a couple, I made clear to him that if he had no intention of moving south once my kids graduate, he should not get into a relationship with me. When we got together, I assumed he understood and would be moving with me. We have bought vehicles together and a house.
Earlier this year, he took me on a cruise and proposed. Again I made it clear about my plans to move south and told him not to give me a ring if he didn’t plan on going. Well, here we are all these years later, and we have been fighting because I have only a year before I can leave. Is it wrong of me to not feel bad about moving considering I made my intentions clear more than once?
It has long been my dream to move south. I believe he’s on the fence about it, but I know deep down he doesn’t want to. I won’t feel bad leaving him behind since he knew I was going. I feel like eight years of my life have been wasted.
Frustrated in New York
Dear Frustrated: If you two have been happy together during the last eight years, they weren’t “wasted.” They may simply be one more chapter in your life. Rather than fight, you and your fiance (or are the two of you married now?) need to have a calm, serious discussion about what’s going to happen, because if he isn’t on board for at least giving southern living a try, you two will have to separate your assets (house, cars) before you relocate. It may be less expensive emotionally and financially if you can keep things amicable.
Dear Abby: I’m 48, about to be 49 in less than a month. I have had mostly good health, but I do have high anxiety because of some trauma from my past. With the world now in hibernation and many of my peers passing away due to illness or some other tragedy, I’m feeling very much like I could be the next to die. I’m not suicidal, but I have had “premonitions” in the past about events that later came true. For some reason, I have been feeling like I am close to death recently, and it scares me. How do I snap out of this preoccupation with death?
Strange Feelings
Dear Strange: Turn off the news! Quit reading about and listening to the body counts. They are enough to scare anyone to death. In a sense, we are all “close to death” — it’s just a question of when. You will increase your chances of survival if you pay attention to what the medical experts have been saying.
The message is simple: If you are in fragile physical condition, hunker down and limit your exposure. Stay in contact with friends by cellphone or your computer. If you are healthy and can go out for exercise or to shop, wear a face mask in the presence of others, wash your hands often and practice social distancing. However, if your anxiety persists, discuss it with your physician, who may be able to prescribe something to calm you down.
To My Readers: Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar, begins at sundown. During this solemn 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of my Jewish readers — may your fast be an easy one.
Love, Abby
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
