Dear Abby: I have been friends with “Carolyn” since grammar school. We are in our early 40s now. She’s married; I’m divorced. Two years after my divorce, she introduced me to a nice man I’ll call “Don.” Don and I have grown closer. He recently told Carolyn how he feels about me and that he wants to marry me.
After he told her, Carolyn started sending him messages letting him know that she is attracted to him. She even told him some confidential things about me that I shared only with her. Don has shown me the messages she sent and told her he feels uncomfortable about her coming on to him. She dismissed it as “joking.” I plan to spend the rest of my life with Don. I feel betrayed and hurt by Carolyn’s actions. Should I end our friendship?
Bothered in Ohio
Dear Bothered: Your friendship with Carolyn ended when she not only put the moves on your boyfriend, but also tried to sabotage your romance by revealing things you had confided to her. What she did was no joke. I see no reason for a confrontation, but you and Don should distance yourselves from Carolyn.
Dear Abby: I was diagnosed with a brain tumor six months ago. All of my friends and co-workers know. My family does not. I hesitated to tell them because my father was gravely ill (he has since recovered), my sister doesn’t like bad news, my daughter had a difficult time with my last brain tumor 10 years ago, and my son is in the military. There is nothing they can do.
I finally have a plan of action from my doctors. I will be having radiation and will hold off on surgery to see if it works. My question is: Should I bring my family in on this? I desperately want to. I know I’d be devastated if another family member kept this kind of information from me. Or would telling them be selfish on my part? I mean, why worry them?
Waffling Out West
Dear Waffling: I’m sorry for your diagnosis. I hope you realize, because you have been around this track before, that you may beat this again. Because you want and need the support of your family, please let them know what has been going on. Doing that is NOT “selfish.” If your cancer does not respond to treatment, how do you think they would feel that you had kept the news from them? Tell your father and your children so they can support you through this. As to your ostrich of a sister who “doesn’t like bad news,” allow her to continue living in ignorance. She would be of little, if any, help to you during this stressful time. I wish you all the best.
Dear Abby: I recently invited two couples over for dinner. After the meal, I asked if anyone would like to go for a short boat ride on our lake. One of the couples wanted to go, but the other woman said she didn’t want to, so we didn’t. What would have been a better way to handle this so that we could have gone?
Sailing Away in South Carolina
Dear Sailing: Boating isn’t for everyone. Because she wasn’t willing, you could have offered your guest the television remote control and told her the rest of you would be back in 45 minutes if she wished to stay.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
