Dear Abby: I recently got into a huge fight with my boyfriend, which caused us to break up and me to move two hours away to stay with my mom. We have a beautiful 6-month-old daughter, and I still love him very much. He has begged me to move back and has shown me he still has feelings for me.
Because of past abuse from family and previous partners, I find it very hard to trust. I would love to go back, but I keep being told that it would be a mistake. I want to be a family again, but I don’t want the people who tell me it’s a mistake to be mad at me. Must I give in and stay away or follow my heart and go back?
Mixed Up in Missouri
Dear Mixed Up: I wish you had disclosed more about the fight that caused you to move away and take the baby. It must have been a doozy. Was he cheating? Physically or emotionally abusive? If it was any of those, I don’t think it is advisable to reconcile.
Why are “people” advising you not to go back with him? Are their reasons valid? If they aren’t, perhaps you should worry less about pleasing them and more about accepting responsibility for your own choices.
Should you follow your heart? Yes, if it leads you and this man to a licensed couples counselor for help in resolving your problems before they get out of hand again, and deciding what would be in the best interest of your child.
Dear Abby: My husband and I just got married. We have only one problem: his ex-girlfriend. She used to be my best friend, but we fell out years ago.
She hadn’t contacted him in a long time, but since she found out we got married, she has been texting him begging to meet up. She messaged me once asking for all of us to get together, but she messages him to meet her alone and “talk.” He ignores her and shows me the messages.
Should I step in and tell her to back off or ignore her as he is doing? I trust and love my husband, but she’s becoming a pest and starting to annoy me and him.
Troubled in Tennessee
Dear Troubled: Because silence hasn’t successfully conveyed the message that you and your husband aren’t interested in renewing the relationship, HE should be the one to tell her — in plain English. If he doesn’t do that, then you should.
Dear Abby: Last year was a tough one for me and my family. In addition to the COVID mess, I lost my best friend of 30 years, and one of my sisters-in-law lost her best friend of 50 years.
We were talking about each of our losses recently, and she mentioned that she has no pictures of her and her friend together. I said the same about my friend. Right then I decided that no matter how bad my hair, makeup, etc. looked, I wouldn’t shy away from having my photo taken. Sometimes we don’t realize how much a candid snapshot can mean until it is too late. Do you agree?
Moment in Time in Texas
Dear Moment: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I have been guilty of photo-dodging, and I am sure many others have been, too. After reading your letter, I am resolving to do better in the future. Thank you!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
