Dear Abby: I am the father of four. I divorced after my third child was born, and I got custody. I have been with my girlfriend, “Wanda,” for six years, and we now have a daughter together.
The issue I have is, last year, Father’s Day came and went, and Wanda didn’t acknowledge it. I didn’t even hear a “Happy Father’s Day” from her or my youngest child. (My ex-wife acknowledged me.)
I always go above and beyond for Wanda on Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day and her birthday, but now, for the first time in our relationship, I felt small and hurt. She apologized the next day and said she forgot it was Father’s Day. I accepted her apology but was still hurt, and I said so.
I went through a brutal divorce and fought hard to gain custody of my kids, and raised them on my own for a while. I’m afraid, maybe irrationally, that this Father’s Day will be the same, and I’m not sure if I can handle that. Am I overthinking this?
Unacknowledged in Oklahoma
Dear Unacknowledged: I think so. If you and Wanda have a loving relationship 364 days a year, stop nursing this insecurity about one holiday. You have made clear to her how important these special occasions are to you. If she cares about your feelings, it likely will not happen again.
Dear Abby: I live in an over-55 community in Florida. A woman I’ll call Betty totally ignores me when I pass her on the street or in the clubhouse. If we’re at a luncheon together, she won’t acknowledge me. Yet, when she sees my husband, she’ll kiss him hello (on the cheek) and he’ll respond warmly.
I have talked to my husband about how Betty treats me and asked him to back off from her. I’m not suggesting he ignore her, but it isn’t necessary to kiss her. He obviously likes the attention she gives him and the flirting. He has told me I’m being juvenile and, frankly, I’m annoyed. Should I be? (By the way, Betty is married and flirts with my husband only when her husband is not around. She doesn’t do this with any other man.)
Put Off in Palm Beach
Dear Put Off: Face it. You and Betty are never going to be buddies. The next time you see this classless individual, tell her that if she wants to show affection, she should do it with her own husband, not yours. And if she ignores your request, tell her again — this time in the clubhouse, loudly.
Dear Abby: My father and his wife use each other’s cellphones interchangeably when they text me. While the number that pops up on my phone might be Dad’s, it could just as easily be “Caroline” on the other end.
I have asked them to clarify who I’m talking to before I start texting back, the way we used to do when answering a landline, but they are offended and say I should be able to answer either of them the same way so it doesn’t matter who I’m texting. Sometimes I suspect one of them is pretending to be the other. That’s weird, right? What should I do in this situation?
Who’s Texting?
Dear Who’s Texting: People have a right to know with whom they are communicating. I am trying to decide whether what your father and his wife are doing is overly casual, playful, immature or bizarre. It’s definitely unusual behavior. I suppose the way to handle it would be to ask, “Is this Dad, Caroline or ‘Dadoline’?” and not respond further until you get an answer.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
