Dear Abby: My dear friend of many years is marrying for the fourth time. Her fiance is verbally abusive and a heavy drinker. After a particularly bad period she went through with him, I told her that if she went ahead and married him, she should just let me know when it was over because I had no desire to witness this union.
Well, she called me a few days ago with the date, assuming I was going to go. When I reminded her of what I had said, she said she hadn’t believed me. She wasn’t happy about my refusal to go, but seems to have accepted it. My question is, do I need to acknowledge this wedding (only six people are attending) with a card or just let the day pass?
Not a Fan of the Man
Dear Not a Fan: Be prepared for the fact that your decision not to attend her wedding may result in distancing you from your friend. Send a sweet card with your good wishes. Then cross your fingers and pray for her well-being.
Dear Abby: I am a disabled vet, long divorced. My significant other is a widow eight years older than I am, who suffers from advanced arthritis. I love her with all my heart, but I have become a full-time caregiver when I pretty much need someone to take care of me. I find myself almost wishing she would pass, so I could lay down and die myself. Any thoughts?
Worn Out in the Carolinas
Dear Worn Out: Yes, but before I share them I want to thank you for your service to our country.
As much as you love your lady friend, your own health must come first. For both your sakes, you must NOT allow taking care of her to make you sick.
Does she have family who could help out? If not, perhaps social services can guide you in finding someone to assist her with the duties you have taken on. However, before doing that, please talk with your doctor and tell him or her what you have written to me because the feelings you describe may be symptoms not only of exhaustion but also depression, which is treatable.
Dear Abby: My family and I are set to take a weeklong vacation with another family this summer. We will be renting a house. What is the appropriate split for the rental fee? My wife and I have four children; the other couple has two. All of the children are under the age of 8.
I think my wife and I should pay more because our family is larger. My wife agrees, but isn’t sure what the split should be. The other couple wants to pay 50/50, saying the children are so little they shouldn’t be considered in the cost of the trip. I think an appropriate compromise would be for each family to pay half the rental, but my wife and I pay for all of the food. What do you think?
Happy Problem
Dear Happy Problem: I think it would be appropriate to offer a split of 60/40. That way you would be paying a little bit extra. However, if they still prefer splitting it in half, you should agree rather than argue.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
