Everything about “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” is bizarre. If it’s remembered for anything, it will be for its top-notch visuals and wackiness.

Director Luc Besson’s return to sci-fi (“The Fifth Element”) takes the “Star Wars” route of making its world(s) revolve around its story and characters. Both movies let the audience fill in dozens of blanks as they meet dozens of creatures, technology, minor characters and planets. Both also have pretty bad scripts.

That’s where the similarities end, though. Comparing the two is like comparing Velveeta to Tillamook cheddar.

“Star Wars” succeeded vastly in its characters and story, even if the dialogue was cheesy. Valerian succeeds only in the aspects of its wonderfully bizarre world and top-notch visuals. Its characters and plot are as throwaway as it gets. And where George Lucas’ hammy masterpiece had dialogue that was corny but charming, “Valerian’s” dialogue is cliché and uninspiring.

Valerian himself is a bore. With the typical dash of amorality mixed with lady-killer self-assurance and sense of duty, someone who is such a shade of gray should at least be halfway interesting. Actor Dane DeHaan is unenthusiastic as the title character, like a young Keanu Reeves without the earnest charm. (Reeves, like the “Star Wars” script and line delivery, are proof something can be pretty bad while still being a whole lot of fun.)

Dane DeHaan can’t even pull off being corny; he’s more like the lifeless husk you peel off that dries up and blows away in the wind. That’s also an accurate description for how much you remember DeHaan in every movie he’s ever been in. Remember how great he was as the Green Goblin in “The Amazing Spider-Man 2?” No? Well, this is the second year he’s been out-acted by Spider-Man.

“Valerian” (both movie and character) have about as much substance as those whipped cream pies they throw at people’s faces on TV. But the movie itself looks like a beautifully colored fruit tart, which at least makes the whipped cream and bland crust somewhat enjoyable.

Cara Delevingne would normally be a casting to dread after her performance as Enchantress in “Suicide Squad,” but she is one of the bright spots in terms of acting. At least her portrayal of Laureline has heart and personality. She’s easily the more likable of the two characters, and it’s a shame her name isn’t in the film title (the original French comics were titled “Valerian and Laureline.” Hmm.) After seeing what she pulled off here with what little she was given, Delevingne proves she is worthy of getting more, and better, roles.

Rihanna is a lot of fun, playing the shape-shifting alien Bubble, but she’s also wasted here. Her character literally serves a single plot purpose and is thrown to the side after 15 minutes or so.

Clive Owen is also one of the lamest (and obvious) military villains in recent memory, which is a complete shame considering the wacky performance by Gary Oldman in Besson’s “Fifth Element.” After getting two fantatic villains this month in “Spider-Man” and “War of the Planet of the Apes,” this seems like hacky high school writing.

As for the story — you, the reader, are best left to work that out. The bare bones of it all can be figured out, but the meandering plot that side-steps into oddball secondary adventures makes things a bit confusing. At several points, you’re forced to ponder “How did they get here?” or “Why are they doing this?” You’re not going to enjoy anything here trying to work out the minute details. Just kind of let it happen, and work out what is the easiest to understand in its overlong 2:15 run time.

“Valerian’s” redemption comes from the earnest oddity of it all. The multiple worlds, aliens and technology are fleshed out but left mostly unexplained, giving the audience the essentials to every little detail about the world but leaving the perfect amount of the movie up to the imagination.

Every detail and aspect of the world within the movie has been perfected to a point that it becomes clear the people who created the visuals were the only ones who seemed to care about it at all. It’s a visually beautiful addition to sci-fi cinema, even somewhat memorable for its fantastic world (though it belongs in a much better movie). But it’s ultimately wasted and made insignificant because of how badly it fails elsewhere.

“Valerian” is more atmosphere than anything stellar. Its greatest service to sci-fi is its significantly relevant misfire — to be remembered by movie-goers primarily as a flawed possibility rather than anything that really stepped up and contributed to the genre.

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“Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” is currently playing at the Riverside Cinemas, 1017 S. Boone St. in Aberdeen.

George Haerle holds a bachelor’s degree in creative writing for media and lives in Cosmopolis.