Dear Abby: When my wife was 17 (she’s now 54), she was in a car accident. She and her three friends were high and drunk. She suffered two skull fractures, which have affected her memory. She thinks it’s my job to remind her of things and becomes angry to the point of hitting things when I don’t do it. I feel her schedule is her responsibility. But when I tell her that, she claims I am not being “supportive.”
Unsure
In the South
Dear Unsure: In successful marriages the division of labor is usually “each according to his ability, each according to his need.” Your wife’s schedule should be her responsibility, and if your wife were irresponsible, I’d agree with you. However, because she suffered a traumatic brain injury, she may be UNABLE to be as organized as you are and NEED your help. That said, “hitting things” when she becomes frustrated is not appropriate, and she needs to find a less threatening and destructive way of venting.
Dear Abby: Because our country’s marriage laws recently changed, my partner and I have decided, after 16 years together, to be married. If something unfortunate were to happen to one of us a few years down the road, what’s the proper way to acknowledge our marriage in an obituary?
Technically, we could say, “He is survived by his husband of two years,” but that would discount the 16 years we were together and would have been married had the laws permitted it. But saying that he is survived by his husband of 18 years seems misleading as well. How can our many years together be honored without being misrepresented?
Obituary Etiquette
Dear Obituary Etiquette: How about this: He is survived by his husband and partner of 18 years.
Dear Abby: I have a problem with my family that’s driving me crazy. They are Facebook snobs. I prefer not to join Facebook for personal reasons, and because I haven’t, they don’t keep me up to date regarding special events such as births, family picnics, etc. They each expect the other ones to notify me, and no matter how often I ask, they’ll say, “Oh, ‘So-and-So’ was supposed to let you know.” It’s not like I am estranged from any of them; it’s just that they keep insisting I should join Facebook, and I’m tired of hearing it. Advice?
No Social Media for Me
Dear No Social Media: There are other ways to communicate online than Facebook. Are you on the internet at all? If you are, you could be notified of events through group email, group chat or group texting. I don’t think it’s fair to expect your relatives to make a special effort to keep you in the loop.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
