Dear Abby: Two years ago, I had a miscarriage. The guy was nothing more than a fling. We were careful and never did anything without protection, but it happened anyway.
I have now been in a relationship with a really great guy for four months. I said I wanted to take it slow, and he has been very supportive, but we are both getting antsy to move to the next step of intimacy. My problem is, I can’t seem to stop having anxiety attacks when I think about the possibility of getting pregnant again, even using two forms of birth control. Neither of us wants kids now or in the future. How do I get past this fear?
Worried in Wyoming
Dear Worried: A way to do that would be to talk to your doctor or pharmacist about what your options would be for using a long-term form of birth control such as a slow-release implant or an IUD.
If your state had a Planned Parenthood clinic nearby, I would normally recommend going there. However, when I checked online, I was shocked to discover there is no longer a clinic in your entire state, which means you may have to go as far as Colorado to find one.
Dear Abby: I am increasingly frustrated with a colleague’s daily demeanor. She’s a supervisor in my department, although I no longer report directly to her. But my office is adjacent to hers, and I see her frequently.
Every day when she arrives, I greet her with my standard, “Good morning, how are you?” and she replies with a heavy sigh and some vague remark about how tired she is or some other general complaint. Even if I don’t ask about her welfare, she will still offer the same negative remarks. She does this with other co-workers as well. Is there an effective response I can offer that would help her to reframe, or at least stop with the heavy martyrdom?
Tired of Hearing It
Dear Tired: Because she constantly volunteers (with a heavy sigh) that she’s “tired,” consider pointing out that she has been saying this same thing for a long time and suggest she consult a doctor about it. The one thing you should definitely stop doing is personalizing it the way it appears you do.
Dear Abby: My husband, a successful attorney, and I are in our 50s and have been married 10 years. He is an educated man. The problem: He does not like to wash his hands.
I often ask him to please wash his hands when he exits the bathroom, but he refuses. He sees no problem with it. He also has no problem sticking his bare hands in the candy jar or any other dish with food in it. Not only is this unsanitary, but I find it disgusting.
What are your thoughts? I’ve done away with the candy jar, but this happens at dinner, too.
Wash Up! In Illinois
Dear Wash: Your husband should wash his hands after using the bathroom, if only out of respect for your feelings. That he refuses speaks volumes about him. I would suggest having sanitary wipes on your dinner table, but he would probably refuse to use them.
Doing away with the candy dish was smart. Now it’s time to plate your husband’s food for him in the kitchen so that his fingers won’t touch the communal food. And if he pitches a fit, plate your own so he can’t touch it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
