Dear Abby: I am a Christian who is passionate and vocal about being an ally to the LGBTQ community. I have close family members and friends who are part of that community, so I never waver in my support or understanding. I am also a feminist. These beliefs are deeply a part of who I am and how I live my life.
Recently, my boyfriend’s mother and I got into an argument about my support and advocacy for the LGBTQ community. She’s very conservative and opinionated, and her viewpoints are outdated. She has denounced the women’s movement and scoffed at the idea that men and women aren’t treated equally in this day and age.
I tried my best to make good points, but the conversation ended with her telling me I need to pray because my beliefs aren’t consistent with my faith. This has alarmed and offended me because my boyfriend remained silent while his mother chastised me. Now I’m worried about our future. If we have children one day, I would never want them to be exposed to such hatred and ignorance.
When I expressed these concerns to my guy, I got the classic “Well, that’s just how she is” response. How can I have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend’s family if we are at such odds with our core beliefs?
Open-minded in the South
Dear Open-minded: You can’t. There are none so blind as those who will not see, so don’t waste your time trying to get your boyfriend’s mother to see the light. And don’t hold your breath waiting for your boyfriend to defend you because when it comes to prying open her perspective, he’s not up to it. You should have another conversation with him about this, but if you make no headway, recognize it’s time to move on.
Dear Abby: My grandmother had beautiful but simple emerald jewelry. When I was 10, she told me that because I was her only grandchild who shared emerald as a birthstone, when she died, the jewelry would be mine.
Fast-forward 30 years. A year before her death, my grandmother asked my mother if there was anything of hers we wanted. Mom immediately mentioned the emerald jewelry for me. Grandma then informed Mom that we were “too late,” she’d already given it to my aunt, her daughter-in-law. I never let on to my grandmother how upset I was, but I was devastated. A year later she passed away at 86. It’s not her fault that she forgot she’d promised the jewelry to me.
My aunt has no daughters, and the odds are slim that she’ll have grandchildren. I don’t want to ask her to give me the jewelry. My grandmother was precious to her, too. But would it be wrong to ask her to not promise it to anyone else, and to leave it to me in her will?
Hopeful in Canada
Dear Hopeful: You wouldn’t be wrong, but it will require a delicate touch. Not only should you do it, you should do it soon, before she does exactly what you fear.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
