One year ago, I paid Facebook a dollar to send a message to a woman I didn’t know.

For days I had been searching for this woman, ever since my brother told me she existed. He only knew her first name, “Tia,” and that she had at some point lived in Bowling Green, Kentucky. And, he remembered, she looked a lot like me.

I pored through countless “Tia” profiles on Facebook as I widened the search. Finally, I found her: my baby sister, Tia.

I sent this message: “I’m sorry if this is weird, but I’m looking for a Tia that was adopted and is in her 40s.” Tia saw the message at 1:13 a.m. After a few brief exchanges, I called her. We patiently tried to understand each other’s accents. Now, after a year, three visits to Kentucky and countless text messages, it feels like I have known her my whole life.

For those of you outside the adoption circle, it may be difficult to understand what it feels like to forge relationships with people who share your blood but not your memories.

November is National Adoption Month, which seeks to raise awareness about finding adoptive homes for children in need. It is also a time to reflect on the ways that the laws should be changed to help adoptive children to discover their past.

Under current law, it is often nearly impossible for adoptees born before 1990 to find their family of origin. To date, only nine states allow adoptees unrestricted access to their original birth certificates.

Adoptee activists including Gregory Luce, founder of Adoptee Rights Law Center, and advocacy groups including Bastard Nation are fighting to change these archaic laws. Adoptees are not only denied the ability to meet our families but the ability to learn often vital medical information. To demand access to this information may be perceived as ungratefulness.

While I adore my adopted Norwegian family, I want to reconnect with and cherish my birth culture. There is a part of my soul that only comes alive when I’m in Appalachia, around my people, visiting Tia. But many adoptees live their lives longing for that home they’ll never know.

We all have a right to know our origins. Our medical history. Our family.

My sister and I make it look easy, but for many, a reunion like ours will never be possible until the laws change, allowing all adoptees full access to their original birth certificates.

Laura Goetz of Stevens Point, Wisconsin, is a social worker, educator, and adoptee.